Relationships, relationships, relationships--I love relationships. I love love. I never knew that was a logical thing to say. I think I thought of it before and felt kind of silly at the thought of saying it out loud or "publishing" on the web, but I saw Lisa Gaskarth (guitarist and lead singer of All Time Low, Alex Gaskarth's, wife) say such a thing in her Twitter biography (autobiography (; ) and thought, YEEESSSSS! And I also thought, But I said that first. I don't know if I really did.
Anyway, I love love. I love, love, love love. Sex scenes in movies make me want to cry because I only get my boyfriend once a week and sometimes we're not both in the mood, so when I am and he isn't, I miss out for two weeks. I love romcoms because they fill the void in me from not being able to spend more than once a week and a random trip to the grocery store he works at with him. That's my catharsis. My English II class in college was horror movie themed. I hate horror movies, but I desperately wanted to take English online. I learned about catharsis there. I don't get my catharsis from horror movies, though. I get mine from roms (you know, since the rom in romcom means romance) because they hurt me since I want to be with my lover and can't, but they make me so happy because even though it hurts that I miss him, it makes me think of him and how much I love him and want to do all the things couples do in roms with him. Well, almost all the things. I don't need the drama that movies add to captivate people.
So I love love and love to write and love giving advice through narratives, so I'm here today to give relationship advice based on my experience. I've only ever experienced a romantic relationship with one guy, but we've been together for over seven years (May) and have been through very much together since we've been together since I've been 14 and am now 21. Aww, that's so cute to me.
Relationships have ups and downs. All of them. Even the seemingly good from the outside ones. For example, my parents have been together for nearly twenty-four years, but my dad cheated twelve years ago. Thankfully, my parents worked it out and remarried after about two years of being divorced. I've been with my boyfriend for seven years, but I cheated on him at the end of our second year. Then, I had anxiety so bad for two years four years later that he didn't buy me a birthday gift one of those years because my anxiety was so bad that he didn't think I loved him anymore and that we were going to break up soon. I'll talk about our downs and then some of our ups because I can't remember all of them super vividly because sometimes, some of us take the good for granted and let it blur together, or maybe time just has a way of doing that. I don't know. So we got together May 2009--basically. I say basically because the day we consider our anniversary is actually the first day we started talking. Neither of us can remember the day he asked me out, but we acted the same as we did before and weren't talking to anyone else at the time that we consider it all the same. I think he may have asked me out later that summer because we were still in school at that point in the school year. Our last day wasn't until later that month.
We have the slowest, most awkward to tell others about relationship! Both of us are okay with the way it worked out. Of course, we wish it were a little faster so that we had more time really together, but things happen for a reason, and I think it let us learn about each other more before things got serious and be more sure that we wanted each other for the long haul. What I mean is we didn't talk in spend time together in person until August or September, and it took us even longer than that, I think, before we even spoke in person! We are two crazy, shy kids.(-: Even when we spent time together in person, it was only sometimes! Like, when we were alone. For example, the first semester (our high school worked by semesters), we only walked together to our buses--in other words, not in the morning with his friends, which I totally would have the time and availability to do so!!! Like, when I hung out with my best friend in the morning, and I'd go with her to hang out with other friends of hers, and those friends hung out in the same general area as my boyfriend and his friends, but still, we were both too shy, so neither of us were mad at the other for not approaching us at least.(-:
I was a freshman, and he was a junior when we first started talking that May 2009. Then, he graduated at the end of the next school year. I assumed that we wouldn't last after he graduated, but I didn't want to be single again. So I started talking to another guy and then broke up with my boyfriend later for a whole hour. While we were broken up, I realized that I wanted him more than the other guy, so I told him I was sorry and asked him to take me back, and he did. So that was our first down. After that, our relationship was some of the best it ever was. It made us stronger having gone through that together, and for me, it made me realize how much I really did love him and wanted to make it work. I also found out that he wanted to make it work, too, so we could last past his graduation. We didn't see each other for nine months after he graduated because I knew I wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere with him until my parents met him, but I was so nervous about having that. Therefore, I never said anything about it, and neither did he. I saw him by chance the February after he graduated. He was working at another grocery store, and I happened to go while he was working. It was a grocery store we don't usually go to, so it really was by chance. I was so nervous to see him. Of course, I wanted to see him, but my anxiety was larger than my want to see him. But I saw him anyway.(: And he met my mom and my brother because they were with me. Then, some time after that, my parents told me they wanted to meet him, etc. So that May, he came over for the first time, and I was still so nervous to see him and talk to him again. We had been together for two years at this point, and we had never spoken on the phone. I was anxious about talking on the phone to anyone for so long. I still am. I feel this pressure to be entertaining the entire time, and it freaks me out. So he called me when he was trying to find my house, and I almost didn't answer him because I was so nervous. But I think I did. He passed up my house, and I think he hit someone on the way back toward my house after turning around. The guy he hit told him not to worry about it, though, and let him go.
But I recall the nine months we didn't see each other with such fondness. I think that was the peak of our honeymoon phase (if we ever got out of it here seven years later). Everything was through text, and he'd text me these long, sweet messages. It was so amazing. Now, we're way past that, and I know how he feels, so he gets to be lazy and not have to text that much to me anymore. Boo! I miss those long texts!
Then, our other down was two years and four months after the first time he came to my house and formally met my parents (and one of our family friends because I was the oldest and a girl so the friend wanted to observe my dad the first time I brought a boy home). I was in my sophomore year of college, and I made a new friend in my organic chemistry class. We were getting to know each other and talking about our lives, including our relationships with our boyfriends. I told her how I felt like my mom didn't like my boyfriend. She told me that maybe that was a sign that my relationship with him was a test from God. That is where my relationship anxiety started. That night, I took my shower and couldn't stop thinking about it, and how could I know for sure? So I started looking for signs and reasons to either leave him or stay with him. How could I be sure that he was my one? I couldn't. Honestly, there is no way to know anything like that for sure. We have no way of knowing what the future holds. Therefore, my anxious mind interpreted that as if I'm not sure, then he musn't be the one because like Katy Perry reminds us, "They say you know when you know. I don't know." Looking back now, I know so much better, but that relationship anxiety was severe and seriously made me doubt my relationship with my boyfriend for the next two full years. The summer following my junior year of college, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed medicine, and hallelujah, the medicine helped so much. My parents ultimately gave me the best relationship advice. Great, trusted sources of relationship wisdom as evidenced by them being together for nearly twenty-four years and having gotten back together after something that usually tears other couples apart. Everything boiled down to two questions according to them: 1. Do you want to be with him? 2. Is the relationship harmful to either one of you? If the answers are yes and no, respectively, you stay. I'm happy to report that those were my answers, and I (obviously) stayed. Being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and being prescribed Citalopram has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. There's nothing wrong with our relationship. There's something wrong with me. As twisted as that sounds, that makes me so happy because I can work on me. He can deal with me. The best part is that we can stay together.
Now, I am the happiest with him I think I've ever been. If not just as happy as our ups--the nine months of sweet love letters and--yes--sexy nudes back and forth and the time between then and when my relationship anxiety started. All these downs made our relationship stronger and me more confident in our relationship and also me more in love with him because he still loved me despite the wrenches I threw into our relationship. When I was going through my relationship anxiety, the stress made me lose my ooey-gooey feelings for him, so my parents told me that it was the end of the honeymoon phase and totally normal and healthy. Now, I got my ooey-gooey feelings back.(: Maybe our honeymoon phase isn't over. Maybe this is just how I will feel about him forever. I'm thinking our honeymoon phase might not be over because even after seven years together, we still aren't living together yet because it's not a smart decision for us yet. I think if anything will end our honeymoon phase if we are still in it, it will be that and if not that, having kids. Until both of those things happen, I will not be convinced that we ever left the honeymoon phase.
So we are self-proclaimed relationship goals according to me. I love us. I think we rock. I think we are one of the strongest and lovingest and best couples out there, and even we have some crappy downs that probably would have torn others apart. So it goes to show that even the "perfect" relationships aren't perfect. You can have the best relationship in the whole wide world and still go through shitty things, and it will be okay!
I hope this helps someone or inspires someone. I think I could have really used a post like this from someone whose relationship I admired--a reminder that their relationship isn't perfect either. And I think I actually did stumble upon that eventually here (Bliss Katherine Braoudakis's "Love Story"--one of my favorite posts ever since the day I found because it does remind me a lot of my relationship struggles and gave me hope when I needed it most).
Bye, y'all.(:
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