I'm starting a new series where I post on a weekend about what true sisterly love looks like. It will not be every weekend because I'm lazy and/or busy, but when I want to share our relationship with you, I'll do my best to do it on a weekend, even if this weekend is over. However, it is Labor Day. Therefore, since the weekend is not over, it is still Sister Saturday/Sunday, even if it is Monday. Shut up.
Yesterday, which was Sunday (SSS), my sister and I were talking about praising her crush, and she asked how I would praise him. I told her I'd let him fuck her because she deserves to be happy, and he is cute. That is true sisterly love. This weekend, week, forever, whenever, remind your sister (biological or unbiological) that you love her by telling her you let her crush fuck her because he or her makes her happy.
I love my sister.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Personal Update, Advice, and Social Media Purge
Hi, everyone! I've been having a difficult time deciding whether I'd continue blogging since I decided to have a social media purge, but I decided I'd stick around for now.(: I've also been having trouble figuring out about what to post and waiting for the urge to do so. I don't want to force a post for the sake of staying regular. I want to post regularly, but I want everything to be genuine. As usual, I'm going to give you an update on the things I think are most important to share since my last post. Then, I have some advice I'd like to give regarding that in case it helps even one person. Finally, I'd like to discuss my social media purge because it ties into my personal update and advice!
First of all, my personal update. The thing on which I want to update you is that I was recently diagnosed with depression and general anxiety. It was both scary and relieving. I've had my suspicions about having either for probably about two years now. My mother has depression, and her maternal grandmother and all that grandmother's children also have it. Therefore, I have a pretty strong family history of depression. It's really hard to accept all the advice people give about depression and anxiety when you have it. However, it is still all true. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. It is not your fault. When I was diagnosed, I felt guilty. I have such a wonderful life. I consider myself to be one of the most fortunate people in the world. Therefore, I felt guilty for being overwhelmed by my wonderful and fortunate life when there are people with so much less in life who are fine. It's important to remember at this point that depression is a chemical imbalance. It's nothing I can control. Mostly, I felt relieved, though. I never was suicidal about feeling down all the time, thankfully, but I felt as if I would be stuck being unhappy for a very long time. I felt as if I wouldn't be happy until after I finished undergraduate school, medical school, and internship and residency. That would have been a very long time to be unhappy. What a shame? Also, I'd here quotes about if you're waiting for an end goal until you're happy, you'll never be happy. Then, I was like, Oh, crap, I really will never be happy. Being diagnosed with anxiety and depression was relieving because it meant that there was a reason I felt the way I did. There was nothing I could do about it on my own, so it's not like I was weak or forgetting to do something. Such a relatively simple solution was available to make me feel happy again--a pill. I've always hated the idea of becoming dependent on something, especially a man-made chemical. I had to get over that quickly in order to be happy. I don't have to let myself become dependent on other synthetic chemicals, but this one was worth it to me. This is not a dependency I could control. As of right now, I need it. I will continue to take it for as long as I need to--forever if I have to--because I haven't felt this good in years--more than the two years I felt terrible and I suspected I had depression or anxiety. I haven't felt this good probably since my junior or senior year of high school when I was really falling in love with my boyfriend. The years between then and the two terrible years of my life were still really good, but I feel blissful so far--so damn blissful--and it's amazing. I am so thankful. I am so thankful to depression and anxiety, and I am so happy to be depressed and anxious. Call me cynical, dark and twisted, or trying to romanticize disorders. I'm not, but when you feel that way for so long and a pill the size of a grain of rice brings you back to the happiest years of your life in three to four short weeks, you're going to be happy. At least I am. I hope you can understand from where I'm coming at least enough to understand that I'm not trying to romanticize disorders. That is the last thing I'm trying to do. I hope if you have depression or anxiety, this resonates with you and even offers you some peace. I hope if you suspect you have depression or anxiety or any other disorder that you can find enough strength in yourself as a result of this post to reach out to a professional to get down to the bottom of what's bugging you because once you do, you will be so happy. I wish all of you the best. Finally, I want to leave off with what I think is something important to know regarding depression and anxiety. I say it so often that I'm scared I've said it before and will sound like a broken record, but it's seriously that important to realize: Everybody gets depressed and anxious. Healthy individuals go through that normally. The difference with the disorder is that those moods last longer than they should. I do not remember the exact length where it would be considered a disorder, but I remember one of my psychology teachers telling me that, and I think everyone needs to realize that. I've seen people tell someone who says, "I'm depressed," not to say that unless they have the disorder because the disorder is a serious thing. The disorder is a serious thing, but it's important that you both realize that you can be depressed without having depression.
That bit of this post is so long that I feel bad for posting the rest that I had planned, but I really like to keep it all connected. Please, stick around. Thank you for doing so in advance.(:
Part two--advice: I'm going to contradict myself and then elaborate. Don't follow advice. That is my very, very general way of saying don't follow every piece of advice you ever come across. Don't look for the meaning behind every quote on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, or Facebook and apply it to your life. Don't look for the meaning in every song and apply it to your life. Don't look for the meaning behind every movie or episode of a television show and apply it to your life. Don't look into every post on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, or Facebook and compare your life to it and make changes as you seem to think fit. I've been doing all of this for the past two years at least when I suspected I had depression or anxiety, and it hurt me. It hurt me so much, not just my feelings but my ability to heal and recover. I've been told this countless times over the past two years in bits and pieces whenever I'd vent to somebody and explain what made me question something in my life. I knew the advice was right, but for some reason, it was as if it would pass from one ear and out the other and I had no control over that happening. I couldn't stop and say, "Okay, I'm going to stop that thought in its tracks because I know it's wrong, and I'm going to do that every time I have that thought." I'd tell myself that the thought occurred for a reason and that if I didn't finish the thought and/or if I would ignore the thought that I was just running away from a bigger problem that would cost me further down the line. Since I've been diagnosed and taking medicine, I know better now. Stopping those thoughts does not mean I'm ignoring a problem. I don't have a problem. I mean, I obviously do--depression and anxiety--but contrary to what I once believed, having depression and anxiety does not mean that every thought and feeling I had while being depressed and anxious and/or having depression and anxiety was not a real, valid, true thought or feeling of mine. I thought that I was 100% a different person when I was depressed and anxious--that being treated meant that all of me would be erased and recreated, that I was back to square one of life. I was so scared to be treated because I thought that everything in my life from that point forward would be a surprise--that I did not know myself at all. What a crazy thought?? But it's what I thought. Despite having to ignore 99% of the advice I've come across in life, there are a few pieces of advice that I consider pivotal in my recovery and healing. I'll share those now with you in case it can help y'all!
Ida Scott Taylor:
"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
Lao Tzu:
"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present."
(I had trouble finding a definite source for this quote, but this is the best I could come up with.)
Mandy Hale:
"The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be."
Now, it's time for me to elaborate on what each quote means to me and how it helped me. I heard the Ida Scott Taylor quote on an episode of One Tree Hill (I love that show!), and it spoke to me immediately. I always freak out about the past and feel guilty and sad about the way I felt, and I often wish I would have known then what I do now so that I could have spent that time more wisely and not wasted it with what seems like meaningless worries. On the contrary, I did need to go through that to get past it. Therefore, it was not a waste, but instead of acknowledging that, I'd dwell on having felt that way, which landed me a spot back on the Depression Express. Then, I'd freak out about the future because literally anything is possible. Nothing is definite. Nobody knows everything. We can't be sure that anything we know is really 100% true, and that scared me. The person you love and care about the most could end up being the person who hurts you the most and is the worst for you. That. Scares me. So. Much. I'd mull over the endless possibilities of "What if..." in the future, and it made me doubt and question almost every aspect of my life. That leads me into the next quote. I think it was true. I'd get anxious and antsy when I'd worry about "What if..."s of the future, and I'd feel depressed when I'd reflect on how badly I've felt in the past. Living in the present is the best thing you can do for yourself. That's what I take from the first two quotes, and they offered two different perspectives for me for that main idea. Both perspectives helped me very much. Finally, the last quote is important to me because I like most people have ideas about how things should be. We've been conditioned from music, movies, television, and books about how love should be, what true love is like, what friendships are like, how friendships and true love happens and the difference between them, how happiness should feel, what your life should be like at each age, what you should want out of life, how you should feel about your career. We constantly let other people tell us how our lives should be. Despite what you might think, you seriously, honestly know yourself better than anyone else no matter how close you are to your parents, your best friend, your sibling(s), or your significant other--no matter what professionals know about how the human mind feels and thinks. You know, and what you know is enough. Remember that. I forgot that often along the way. I didn't think I was old enough to have enough experience in life to know things. How could I know about love when I've only ever been with one guy and haven't been through very many trying things in life? But I know what I want out of a relationship, and that is enough. I know how I feel about my boyfriend and other people and the difference between him and them that continually makes me choose to be with him instead of other people. That is enough. I have lost count of the number of times I've said, "When I let myself be, I am so happy." That means I let go of expectations and let situations play out as they did, and nine times out of ten, I was still happy--probably happier than I would have been if what I expected would have happened because I was pleasantly surprised that I could be happy with something other than my plan, and I was free. I was free from that grip of control and feeling like I had to be on my toes, ready for anything, and controlling every aspect in order to make my expectations a reality. Living in the present, enjoying the moment, being pleasantly surprised by the outcome, and the freedom of letting go all feel really good to me. It will feel good to you, too.
Let. Things. Be.
My final piece of advice somewhat reiterates what I've been saying, but I feel like this is yet another different perspective and an equally important one at that. This piece of advice about advice was extremely eye-opening and freeing to me. You don't have to like, follow, or agree with every piece of advice you receive, even when you specifically asked for it--even if it is from someone you love and trust and care about. Sometimes, you just know. For someone as anxious about "What if..."s and possibilities as I am, that's a joke. Nobody can just know something. I've had a lot of trouble deciphering between my gut, my heart, and my brain to know what to follow. I think your gut and your heart are about the same thing, and I think my brain is from where my depressed and anxious thoughts have been coming. I now know how to go with my gut and follow my heart. It's really hard to explain to someone how to do that, though, I think. You can give advice and insight like I am, but I think it's impossible to know until it finally clicks for you. I think if it can click for me, it can click for anyone. I'm so literal and science- and fact-driven that I and my family thought I was a lost cause for knowing and feeling the difference between my heart and my head. We thought that it would be something I'd have to simply accept for the rest of my life and just trust, but as soon as I started taking medicine to treat my depression and anxiety, things started falling into place and clicking.
Finally, my social media purge: I deleted my Facebook and Instagram applications this week. It started as me unfollowing people that I followed or was friends with for the sole purpose of looking at their beautiful life or "stalking" or simply having no good reason to be connected to them. I did this a couple times. Then, I realized that those apps only make me compare myself to other peoples lives and read into every post I saw, and I've been wanting to become less dependent on social networking and technology and being present and living in the present more. Therefore, I deleted the apps completely from my phone. I kept my accounts so that I always have my old posts to look back on for memories or in the case of Facebook, I can ultimately stay in touch with extended family and old friends and classmates. I also deleted Twitter today. I kept my account, of course. I only really liked it anymore to keep up with current events, but I can get news apps instead. Therefore, instead of mindless scrolls for hours on social media sites that ultimately hurt me more than help me, I will spend my time more wisely--reading, cleaning, applying to medical school, organizing, or browsing online for positive things.
Finally, finally, finally, my long post is done. Thank you again for sticking around this long. I feel like all of this is extremely important, and if it helps even one person, I'll be beyond happy.(: That's why I started this blog.
First of all, my personal update. The thing on which I want to update you is that I was recently diagnosed with depression and general anxiety. It was both scary and relieving. I've had my suspicions about having either for probably about two years now. My mother has depression, and her maternal grandmother and all that grandmother's children also have it. Therefore, I have a pretty strong family history of depression. It's really hard to accept all the advice people give about depression and anxiety when you have it. However, it is still all true. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. It is not your fault. When I was diagnosed, I felt guilty. I have such a wonderful life. I consider myself to be one of the most fortunate people in the world. Therefore, I felt guilty for being overwhelmed by my wonderful and fortunate life when there are people with so much less in life who are fine. It's important to remember at this point that depression is a chemical imbalance. It's nothing I can control. Mostly, I felt relieved, though. I never was suicidal about feeling down all the time, thankfully, but I felt as if I would be stuck being unhappy for a very long time. I felt as if I wouldn't be happy until after I finished undergraduate school, medical school, and internship and residency. That would have been a very long time to be unhappy. What a shame? Also, I'd here quotes about if you're waiting for an end goal until you're happy, you'll never be happy. Then, I was like, Oh, crap, I really will never be happy. Being diagnosed with anxiety and depression was relieving because it meant that there was a reason I felt the way I did. There was nothing I could do about it on my own, so it's not like I was weak or forgetting to do something. Such a relatively simple solution was available to make me feel happy again--a pill. I've always hated the idea of becoming dependent on something, especially a man-made chemical. I had to get over that quickly in order to be happy. I don't have to let myself become dependent on other synthetic chemicals, but this one was worth it to me. This is not a dependency I could control. As of right now, I need it. I will continue to take it for as long as I need to--forever if I have to--because I haven't felt this good in years--more than the two years I felt terrible and I suspected I had depression or anxiety. I haven't felt this good probably since my junior or senior year of high school when I was really falling in love with my boyfriend. The years between then and the two terrible years of my life were still really good, but I feel blissful so far--so damn blissful--and it's amazing. I am so thankful. I am so thankful to depression and anxiety, and I am so happy to be depressed and anxious. Call me cynical, dark and twisted, or trying to romanticize disorders. I'm not, but when you feel that way for so long and a pill the size of a grain of rice brings you back to the happiest years of your life in three to four short weeks, you're going to be happy. At least I am. I hope you can understand from where I'm coming at least enough to understand that I'm not trying to romanticize disorders. That is the last thing I'm trying to do. I hope if you have depression or anxiety, this resonates with you and even offers you some peace. I hope if you suspect you have depression or anxiety or any other disorder that you can find enough strength in yourself as a result of this post to reach out to a professional to get down to the bottom of what's bugging you because once you do, you will be so happy. I wish all of you the best. Finally, I want to leave off with what I think is something important to know regarding depression and anxiety. I say it so often that I'm scared I've said it before and will sound like a broken record, but it's seriously that important to realize: Everybody gets depressed and anxious. Healthy individuals go through that normally. The difference with the disorder is that those moods last longer than they should. I do not remember the exact length where it would be considered a disorder, but I remember one of my psychology teachers telling me that, and I think everyone needs to realize that. I've seen people tell someone who says, "I'm depressed," not to say that unless they have the disorder because the disorder is a serious thing. The disorder is a serious thing, but it's important that you both realize that you can be depressed without having depression.
That bit of this post is so long that I feel bad for posting the rest that I had planned, but I really like to keep it all connected. Please, stick around. Thank you for doing so in advance.(:
Part two--advice: I'm going to contradict myself and then elaborate. Don't follow advice. That is my very, very general way of saying don't follow every piece of advice you ever come across. Don't look for the meaning behind every quote on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, or Facebook and apply it to your life. Don't look for the meaning in every song and apply it to your life. Don't look for the meaning behind every movie or episode of a television show and apply it to your life. Don't look into every post on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, or Facebook and compare your life to it and make changes as you seem to think fit. I've been doing all of this for the past two years at least when I suspected I had depression or anxiety, and it hurt me. It hurt me so much, not just my feelings but my ability to heal and recover. I've been told this countless times over the past two years in bits and pieces whenever I'd vent to somebody and explain what made me question something in my life. I knew the advice was right, but for some reason, it was as if it would pass from one ear and out the other and I had no control over that happening. I couldn't stop and say, "Okay, I'm going to stop that thought in its tracks because I know it's wrong, and I'm going to do that every time I have that thought." I'd tell myself that the thought occurred for a reason and that if I didn't finish the thought and/or if I would ignore the thought that I was just running away from a bigger problem that would cost me further down the line. Since I've been diagnosed and taking medicine, I know better now. Stopping those thoughts does not mean I'm ignoring a problem. I don't have a problem. I mean, I obviously do--depression and anxiety--but contrary to what I once believed, having depression and anxiety does not mean that every thought and feeling I had while being depressed and anxious and/or having depression and anxiety was not a real, valid, true thought or feeling of mine. I thought that I was 100% a different person when I was depressed and anxious--that being treated meant that all of me would be erased and recreated, that I was back to square one of life. I was so scared to be treated because I thought that everything in my life from that point forward would be a surprise--that I did not know myself at all. What a crazy thought?? But it's what I thought. Despite having to ignore 99% of the advice I've come across in life, there are a few pieces of advice that I consider pivotal in my recovery and healing. I'll share those now with you in case it can help y'all!
Ida Scott Taylor:
"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
Lao Tzu:
"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present."
(I had trouble finding a definite source for this quote, but this is the best I could come up with.)
Mandy Hale:
"The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be."
Now, it's time for me to elaborate on what each quote means to me and how it helped me. I heard the Ida Scott Taylor quote on an episode of One Tree Hill (I love that show!), and it spoke to me immediately. I always freak out about the past and feel guilty and sad about the way I felt, and I often wish I would have known then what I do now so that I could have spent that time more wisely and not wasted it with what seems like meaningless worries. On the contrary, I did need to go through that to get past it. Therefore, it was not a waste, but instead of acknowledging that, I'd dwell on having felt that way, which landed me a spot back on the Depression Express. Then, I'd freak out about the future because literally anything is possible. Nothing is definite. Nobody knows everything. We can't be sure that anything we know is really 100% true, and that scared me. The person you love and care about the most could end up being the person who hurts you the most and is the worst for you. That. Scares me. So. Much. I'd mull over the endless possibilities of "What if..." in the future, and it made me doubt and question almost every aspect of my life. That leads me into the next quote. I think it was true. I'd get anxious and antsy when I'd worry about "What if..."s of the future, and I'd feel depressed when I'd reflect on how badly I've felt in the past. Living in the present is the best thing you can do for yourself. That's what I take from the first two quotes, and they offered two different perspectives for me for that main idea. Both perspectives helped me very much. Finally, the last quote is important to me because I like most people have ideas about how things should be. We've been conditioned from music, movies, television, and books about how love should be, what true love is like, what friendships are like, how friendships and true love happens and the difference between them, how happiness should feel, what your life should be like at each age, what you should want out of life, how you should feel about your career. We constantly let other people tell us how our lives should be. Despite what you might think, you seriously, honestly know yourself better than anyone else no matter how close you are to your parents, your best friend, your sibling(s), or your significant other--no matter what professionals know about how the human mind feels and thinks. You know, and what you know is enough. Remember that. I forgot that often along the way. I didn't think I was old enough to have enough experience in life to know things. How could I know about love when I've only ever been with one guy and haven't been through very many trying things in life? But I know what I want out of a relationship, and that is enough. I know how I feel about my boyfriend and other people and the difference between him and them that continually makes me choose to be with him instead of other people. That is enough. I have lost count of the number of times I've said, "When I let myself be, I am so happy." That means I let go of expectations and let situations play out as they did, and nine times out of ten, I was still happy--probably happier than I would have been if what I expected would have happened because I was pleasantly surprised that I could be happy with something other than my plan, and I was free. I was free from that grip of control and feeling like I had to be on my toes, ready for anything, and controlling every aspect in order to make my expectations a reality. Living in the present, enjoying the moment, being pleasantly surprised by the outcome, and the freedom of letting go all feel really good to me. It will feel good to you, too.
Let. Things. Be.
My final piece of advice somewhat reiterates what I've been saying, but I feel like this is yet another different perspective and an equally important one at that. This piece of advice about advice was extremely eye-opening and freeing to me. You don't have to like, follow, or agree with every piece of advice you receive, even when you specifically asked for it--even if it is from someone you love and trust and care about. Sometimes, you just know. For someone as anxious about "What if..."s and possibilities as I am, that's a joke. Nobody can just know something. I've had a lot of trouble deciphering between my gut, my heart, and my brain to know what to follow. I think your gut and your heart are about the same thing, and I think my brain is from where my depressed and anxious thoughts have been coming. I now know how to go with my gut and follow my heart. It's really hard to explain to someone how to do that, though, I think. You can give advice and insight like I am, but I think it's impossible to know until it finally clicks for you. I think if it can click for me, it can click for anyone. I'm so literal and science- and fact-driven that I and my family thought I was a lost cause for knowing and feeling the difference between my heart and my head. We thought that it would be something I'd have to simply accept for the rest of my life and just trust, but as soon as I started taking medicine to treat my depression and anxiety, things started falling into place and clicking.
Finally, my social media purge: I deleted my Facebook and Instagram applications this week. It started as me unfollowing people that I followed or was friends with for the sole purpose of looking at their beautiful life or "stalking" or simply having no good reason to be connected to them. I did this a couple times. Then, I realized that those apps only make me compare myself to other peoples lives and read into every post I saw, and I've been wanting to become less dependent on social networking and technology and being present and living in the present more. Therefore, I deleted the apps completely from my phone. I kept my accounts so that I always have my old posts to look back on for memories or in the case of Facebook, I can ultimately stay in touch with extended family and old friends and classmates. I also deleted Twitter today. I kept my account, of course. I only really liked it anymore to keep up with current events, but I can get news apps instead. Therefore, instead of mindless scrolls for hours on social media sites that ultimately hurt me more than help me, I will spend my time more wisely--reading, cleaning, applying to medical school, organizing, or browsing online for positive things.
Finally, finally, finally, my long post is done. Thank you again for sticking around this long. I feel like all of this is extremely important, and if it helps even one person, I'll be beyond happy.(: That's why I started this blog.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
More Plans for the Summer
I somewhat want to start this post talking about friends and relationships in high school and versus college because that's what I came here to talk about initially, BUT I think I want to talk about that second so that I can say more about it and get the topic I'm less excited to talk about (yet still want to talk about for some reason) over with first. Therefore, here it goes!
I don't remember how much I outlined of my summer plans in my other post about summer, so forgive me if I repeat myself because for some reason, I still want to talk about it. (Why do I want to even post about my summer plans anyway???) This summer, one of the things I plan to do is get a waitressing job so that I can add "clinical" (A.K.A. people interaction) experience for my application for medical. The medical school I want to go to (A.K.A. my dream medical school or my number one choice for medical school) requires applicants (applicants? applicans!) to have clinical experience, which one would think means doctors offices, hospitals, nursing homes, or other medical offices or places, but they don't count any job or activity in a medical atmosphere as clinical experience. What the school is really looking for is mainly interaction with people--nitty-gritty, pain in the neck, patience-testing interaction. They want to see how you act in situations where you want to shout at or wring the necks of people you're serving in some shape or form because medicine is not a magical job where you automatically don't feel those urges with difficult patience. You most certainly do, but as someone patients are supposed to be able to completely trust with their health--their lives--you need to keep those urges in check so that your patients do trust you and are comfortable with you. The point of this is that your clinical experience must be interactive with patience. Job shadowing doesn't count. Some sort of office worker position in the back of the office, working with files, won't count. I'm not even sure scribe positions count. As a result of these sorts of jobs being hard to come by in medical setting due to privacy rights and the fact that there are already positions like this being filled by other hospital staff, it's often hard(, we are told,) to get these sorts of positions. As an alternative (and for people who absolutely need paying jobs since most medical offices won't hire a college student to do the work a nurse who's already being paid is doing), waitressing or waiting and hostessing or hosting are good options because those jobs certainly test your patience and force you to interact with people. Therefore, I'm not even going through the trouble of trying to find a job in settings where they're already supposed to be tough to get. I'm going straight for waitressing for the summer. I was thinking about finding a volunteer position in a medical setting. I thought if an office won't hire a college student to do nursing work, they might kindly let me volunteer some hours during the week for the experience. However, my father looked up prices of medical school applications, submitting AMCAS (American Medical College Application Service), and sending MCAT scores to different medical schools, and he said that I will need a job because he and my mother cannot afford that in such a small amount of time. Therefore, waitressing it is. I applied at a restaurant Monday. I'm waiting to hear back now. Supposedly, the manager/owner was out of town this week, so it will take longer than usual to hear back. I'm trying to figure out after how much time I should give up and try another restaurant and/or whether I should call or stop at the restaurant to ask if anyone looked at my application and made a decision. (That's how my father got his first job after graduating from college!) I have one or two other restaurants in mind for now. Then, I'll either figure out more restaurants OR apply to work at a hotel. I have a friend who works at a hotel, though, and she doesn't think a hotel will hire me since I'm only interested in summer work. When school starts, I'll be driving two hours a day to school and back, so on top of that and homework, working would be too much in my opinion. I'm going into my last year of college, and I haven't worked yet. Therefore, I don't think I should worry about it this late in the game. I don't need it monetarily. I only might need it to add to my medical school application, but since they're due this fall and winter, I don't think it will help much. I'll know for sure in July when I go to my dream medical school for an advising appointment. Wish me luck with that, please--that I won't have to do much more than I already have, especially since the application for that school is due at the beginning of August since I'm applying for early decision! That's before school starts for me again!!!!! That's insane to me because there are things I have to get from professors at my school, and I don't know if they'll be on campus over the summer. The professor I have to contact about it all stopped answering my e-mails for now--ahsdfksjflksjflsjflksjfls. !!! Whoops, my crazy, stress-induced side came out of me.(-;
Continuing my summer plans...I'm going to Utah for a couple days at the beginning of August for a leadership conference. I'm excited. I've never traveled out of state without my parents (at the very least my mother), especially not that far. The farthest I've ever traveled out of state (with my parents or at least mother) is either Florida or Texas. If we've ever been anywhere farther, I was too young to remember. We lived in California and Maryland when I was one or two, but I definitely don't remember that. It wasn't for a long time either. I also haven't been on an airplane since I was that young. I'm excited and nervous. I'm excited to travel and see new places, even though I won't be getting out much and I'll be travelling two days and staying there another two), but I'm nervous to go so far alone in such a seemingly risky way. I hear about so many plane crashes, and it really scares me. Sure, car accidents happen more often than plane crashes, but I feel as if there's a larger chance of surviving a car accident than a plane crash. You're not hurdling to the hard ground or deserted water from thousands of feet in the air in a car crash. It's scary to me.
My plans besides those two are helping my grandparents with my grandmother's husband's appointments and bringing my grandmother to the store. I love driving, and they live about half an hour away. I also have the reward of feeling the way you do when you help people less fortunate than you. It feels even more rewarding when they're people who love you and have done so much for you in the past. I have my opinions of how my grandmother and her husband or living, but I don't know every aspect of what they go through. It's also not my place to judge. The bottom line is this is my grandmother who has done SO much for me over the years. She's in a place where she's much happier but unfortunately less fortunate, so I can contribute to making the rest of her life a little more fortunate. I love them. They love me. It's the least I could do. I don't want to be taken advantage of, but it's worth the risk. Innocent until proven guilty--I should not treat my grandmother and her husband badly because of what they could do to me. I should treat them based on the present (and honestly, a lot of the past since she has done so much for my family).
More plans include continuing the Harry Potter series. I'm a late newcomer. I hated reading growing up. It's been my weak subject since middle school. Little Miss Pre-Medical High School Valedictorian had straight Cs in middle school in reading, and reading has always been her lowest score on standardized tests (ACT and MCAT). I missed something in reading somewhere along the way. It might be really late in the game to try to fix it, but if practice makes perfect for reading, it's better late than never because it will only become increasingly more frustrating as time goes on. Therefore, I'm bettering myself and doing it with something I really do like. I like the Harry Potter series. I don't care for supernatural and magical stuff. I like realistic stories. However, I personally find J. K. Rowling sets up the wizarding world of Harry Potter as very similar to the real world as we know it. The only twist is the people have magic powers. Would you call it magic powers? Should I say, '"The people are magical"? You might think I say, "The only twist...," as if it's a minor detail when in fact it's a huge detail, but the people in Harry Potter's magical world aren't very different from us people-wise. If you've read the series, I think you'll know what I mean. Their magic doesn't make them impossible-to-comprehend sort of different. Their lives are only seemingly more efficient because they can get some things done with magic when we have to do it manually. Describing the way J. K. Rowling portrays witches and wizards and the magical creatures in their world makes me realize something. Maybe it's something she intended for her readers to ponder. Because someone is different from us in some ways, they are not necessarily completely different from us. Maybe she intended for her readers to extract a lesson, message, moral of tolerance from her story, maybe not. Maybe I'm over-analyzing things as I so often do. However, I think this is a good over-analysis as opposed to my typical over-analyses.(: I'm on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix right now, by the way. Last summer, the last book I finished was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I started The Order of the Phoenix last summer, but I didn't finish it before school started again. Then, with school, I got too busy to read, so I forgot much of what I read and restarted. That process of starting and restarting The Order of the Phoenix happened several times during the semester because I was determined to keep up with it during the semester, but--ha, the semester--I got too busy and too tired and exhausted and stressed to keep up with it and school. This past spring semester (along with each previous semester since the stress of each effected the next like a domino effect) is another story of its own.
Okay, last of my plans (Maybe I can condense the rest into a final somewhat short paragraph since this post is already crazy long.) include watching TV series I have left to watch. I have many I'd like to watch from beginning to end, but since I won't have time to do all of them (maybe not even more than one) with everything else I have to do this summer, I'm focusing mainly on One Tree Hill. I'm late to that, too, and I love Naley, Bucas (my own ship name for Brooke and Lucas because it's FUNNY to me), and Pake (Jeyton? Jayton? Jaketon? LOL. Peyke? PEYTON AND JAKE, OKAY?). Dan Scott ruins lives. I do not like him (Who does anyway?). I might end up liking Deb. Hmm, anything else? YES. Chris Keller is A JERK. Rachel and Brooke are too shallow and promiscuous. Hmm...anything else? I'm on season three, so my opinions might change later. These are my opinions now, though.
Another one of my plans is for me and my boyfriend to go on a short vacation together. By short I mean a couple or a few days. I also should have added small vacation because I don't mean only a short vacation but also not a very extravagant one. I don't want him to have to spend a lot for it. I only want us to be alone for a few days where we can get the food we like to eat when we go out. We don't need to go far for me to be happy. I'd like a nice hotel (BEST WESTERN PLUS! That's the best hotel I've been to so far.) in a city that's not dangerous but has things to do (Wingstop, Wingstop, Wingstop. Olive Garden. Auntie Anne's? Outback. Burger King. Taco Bell.). I want us to have options we like and possibly more than we need because I cannot predict for what I'll be in the mood when we go. If we go.): I hope we do. We got to spend nights together for the first time last summer, and it was without parental supervision. I don't think his parents would ever supervise us, but I totally would have expected mine to do so. However, they did not.(: They let me spend three days and two nights with him without them. We went with some of his friends to a comic convention. I'm not into comic conventions, but I wasn't passing the opportunity to have that time alone with him. It was mostly wonderful. All of our quality time together was wonderful. What wasn't wonderful was the hotel commodities/accommodations and the food. Wi-fi wasn't free, and there was no free breakfast. The city was walk to get everywhere and no Burger King, Taco Bell, Outback, Olive Garden, or Wingstop was near. There was a strip mall connected to the hotel, but the food court options sucked. The one thing I liked was overpriced, and the rest of what I liked were more snack foods than lunch and dinner/supper OR BREAKFAST. I don't even know what I ate if I ate breakfast those days. It sucked in that sense, lol. I think he was unsatisfied with the same things with which I was unsatisfied --most of them at least. For example, I don't know if no free breakfast or no free Wi-fi bothered him. I don't know if he disliked the food court as much as I did. OOH. I also did not enjoy sleeping with him very much.): It was much more uncomfortable than when we fall asleep on the sofa together at my house. He said it was because it was hot in the hotel room. Maybe it was, but I remember being uncomfortable with where his arms were and mine were when we were spooning to fall asleep. However, when we spoon on the sofa at my house, it's totally comfortable? Maybe/hopefully, he was right. That or a bed is too soft for cuddling and spooning that close to be comfortable and the relatively greater firmness of a sofa makes it comfortable? I'm not sure. I know we were both uncomfortable sleeping together, which really sucked for our first nights together.))):
Okay, this post is done, yay! Also, somewhat not yay because I didn't even get to talk about my opinions and insight on friends and relationships in high school versus college!): This post is so long already that I'm not comfortable making it any longer. Even less people will read it then.(; Therefore, I'll talk about that another time.(: Thanks to those of you who read!! You should click on the post itself so that I can see how many people do (or don't (;) read my posts. Thanks in advance for that, too!
I don't remember how much I outlined of my summer plans in my other post about summer, so forgive me if I repeat myself because for some reason, I still want to talk about it. (Why do I want to even post about my summer plans anyway???) This summer, one of the things I plan to do is get a waitressing job so that I can add "clinical" (A.K.A. people interaction) experience for my application for medical. The medical school I want to go to (A.K.A. my dream medical school or my number one choice for medical school) requires applicants (applicants? applicans!) to have clinical experience, which one would think means doctors offices, hospitals, nursing homes, or other medical offices or places, but they don't count any job or activity in a medical atmosphere as clinical experience. What the school is really looking for is mainly interaction with people--nitty-gritty, pain in the neck, patience-testing interaction. They want to see how you act in situations where you want to shout at or wring the necks of people you're serving in some shape or form because medicine is not a magical job where you automatically don't feel those urges with difficult patience. You most certainly do, but as someone patients are supposed to be able to completely trust with their health--their lives--you need to keep those urges in check so that your patients do trust you and are comfortable with you. The point of this is that your clinical experience must be interactive with patience. Job shadowing doesn't count. Some sort of office worker position in the back of the office, working with files, won't count. I'm not even sure scribe positions count. As a result of these sorts of jobs being hard to come by in medical setting due to privacy rights and the fact that there are already positions like this being filled by other hospital staff, it's often hard(, we are told,) to get these sorts of positions. As an alternative (and for people who absolutely need paying jobs since most medical offices won't hire a college student to do the work a nurse who's already being paid is doing), waitressing or waiting and hostessing or hosting are good options because those jobs certainly test your patience and force you to interact with people. Therefore, I'm not even going through the trouble of trying to find a job in settings where they're already supposed to be tough to get. I'm going straight for waitressing for the summer. I was thinking about finding a volunteer position in a medical setting. I thought if an office won't hire a college student to do nursing work, they might kindly let me volunteer some hours during the week for the experience. However, my father looked up prices of medical school applications, submitting AMCAS (American Medical College Application Service), and sending MCAT scores to different medical schools, and he said that I will need a job because he and my mother cannot afford that in such a small amount of time. Therefore, waitressing it is. I applied at a restaurant Monday. I'm waiting to hear back now. Supposedly, the manager/owner was out of town this week, so it will take longer than usual to hear back. I'm trying to figure out after how much time I should give up and try another restaurant and/or whether I should call or stop at the restaurant to ask if anyone looked at my application and made a decision. (That's how my father got his first job after graduating from college!) I have one or two other restaurants in mind for now. Then, I'll either figure out more restaurants OR apply to work at a hotel. I have a friend who works at a hotel, though, and she doesn't think a hotel will hire me since I'm only interested in summer work. When school starts, I'll be driving two hours a day to school and back, so on top of that and homework, working would be too much in my opinion. I'm going into my last year of college, and I haven't worked yet. Therefore, I don't think I should worry about it this late in the game. I don't need it monetarily. I only might need it to add to my medical school application, but since they're due this fall and winter, I don't think it will help much. I'll know for sure in July when I go to my dream medical school for an advising appointment. Wish me luck with that, please--that I won't have to do much more than I already have, especially since the application for that school is due at the beginning of August since I'm applying for early decision! That's before school starts for me again!!!!! That's insane to me because there are things I have to get from professors at my school, and I don't know if they'll be on campus over the summer. The professor I have to contact about it all stopped answering my e-mails for now--ahsdfksjflksjflsjflksjfls. !!! Whoops, my crazy, stress-induced side came out of me.(-;
Continuing my summer plans...I'm going to Utah for a couple days at the beginning of August for a leadership conference. I'm excited. I've never traveled out of state without my parents (at the very least my mother), especially not that far. The farthest I've ever traveled out of state (with my parents or at least mother) is either Florida or Texas. If we've ever been anywhere farther, I was too young to remember. We lived in California and Maryland when I was one or two, but I definitely don't remember that. It wasn't for a long time either. I also haven't been on an airplane since I was that young. I'm excited and nervous. I'm excited to travel and see new places, even though I won't be getting out much and I'll be travelling two days and staying there another two), but I'm nervous to go so far alone in such a seemingly risky way. I hear about so many plane crashes, and it really scares me. Sure, car accidents happen more often than plane crashes, but I feel as if there's a larger chance of surviving a car accident than a plane crash. You're not hurdling to the hard ground or deserted water from thousands of feet in the air in a car crash. It's scary to me.
My plans besides those two are helping my grandparents with my grandmother's husband's appointments and bringing my grandmother to the store. I love driving, and they live about half an hour away. I also have the reward of feeling the way you do when you help people less fortunate than you. It feels even more rewarding when they're people who love you and have done so much for you in the past. I have my opinions of how my grandmother and her husband or living, but I don't know every aspect of what they go through. It's also not my place to judge. The bottom line is this is my grandmother who has done SO much for me over the years. She's in a place where she's much happier but unfortunately less fortunate, so I can contribute to making the rest of her life a little more fortunate. I love them. They love me. It's the least I could do. I don't want to be taken advantage of, but it's worth the risk. Innocent until proven guilty--I should not treat my grandmother and her husband badly because of what they could do to me. I should treat them based on the present (and honestly, a lot of the past since she has done so much for my family).
More plans include continuing the Harry Potter series. I'm a late newcomer. I hated reading growing up. It's been my weak subject since middle school. Little Miss Pre-Medical High School Valedictorian had straight Cs in middle school in reading, and reading has always been her lowest score on standardized tests (ACT and MCAT). I missed something in reading somewhere along the way. It might be really late in the game to try to fix it, but if practice makes perfect for reading, it's better late than never because it will only become increasingly more frustrating as time goes on. Therefore, I'm bettering myself and doing it with something I really do like. I like the Harry Potter series. I don't care for supernatural and magical stuff. I like realistic stories. However, I personally find J. K. Rowling sets up the wizarding world of Harry Potter as very similar to the real world as we know it. The only twist is the people have magic powers. Would you call it magic powers? Should I say, '"The people are magical"? You might think I say, "The only twist...," as if it's a minor detail when in fact it's a huge detail, but the people in Harry Potter's magical world aren't very different from us people-wise. If you've read the series, I think you'll know what I mean. Their magic doesn't make them impossible-to-comprehend sort of different. Their lives are only seemingly more efficient because they can get some things done with magic when we have to do it manually. Describing the way J. K. Rowling portrays witches and wizards and the magical creatures in their world makes me realize something. Maybe it's something she intended for her readers to ponder. Because someone is different from us in some ways, they are not necessarily completely different from us. Maybe she intended for her readers to extract a lesson, message, moral of tolerance from her story, maybe not. Maybe I'm over-analyzing things as I so often do. However, I think this is a good over-analysis as opposed to my typical over-analyses.(: I'm on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix right now, by the way. Last summer, the last book I finished was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I started The Order of the Phoenix last summer, but I didn't finish it before school started again. Then, with school, I got too busy to read, so I forgot much of what I read and restarted. That process of starting and restarting The Order of the Phoenix happened several times during the semester because I was determined to keep up with it during the semester, but--ha, the semester--I got too busy and too tired and exhausted and stressed to keep up with it and school. This past spring semester (along with each previous semester since the stress of each effected the next like a domino effect) is another story of its own.
Okay, last of my plans (Maybe I can condense the rest into a final somewhat short paragraph since this post is already crazy long.) include watching TV series I have left to watch. I have many I'd like to watch from beginning to end, but since I won't have time to do all of them (maybe not even more than one) with everything else I have to do this summer, I'm focusing mainly on One Tree Hill. I'm late to that, too, and I love Naley, Bucas (my own ship name for Brooke and Lucas because it's FUNNY to me), and Pake (Jeyton? Jayton? Jaketon? LOL. Peyke? PEYTON AND JAKE, OKAY?). Dan Scott ruins lives. I do not like him (Who does anyway?). I might end up liking Deb. Hmm, anything else? YES. Chris Keller is A JERK. Rachel and Brooke are too shallow and promiscuous. Hmm...anything else? I'm on season three, so my opinions might change later. These are my opinions now, though.
Another one of my plans is for me and my boyfriend to go on a short vacation together. By short I mean a couple or a few days. I also should have added small vacation because I don't mean only a short vacation but also not a very extravagant one. I don't want him to have to spend a lot for it. I only want us to be alone for a few days where we can get the food we like to eat when we go out. We don't need to go far for me to be happy. I'd like a nice hotel (BEST WESTERN PLUS! That's the best hotel I've been to so far.) in a city that's not dangerous but has things to do (Wingstop, Wingstop, Wingstop. Olive Garden. Auntie Anne's? Outback. Burger King. Taco Bell.). I want us to have options we like and possibly more than we need because I cannot predict for what I'll be in the mood when we go. If we go.): I hope we do. We got to spend nights together for the first time last summer, and it was without parental supervision. I don't think his parents would ever supervise us, but I totally would have expected mine to do so. However, they did not.(: They let me spend three days and two nights with him without them. We went with some of his friends to a comic convention. I'm not into comic conventions, but I wasn't passing the opportunity to have that time alone with him. It was mostly wonderful. All of our quality time together was wonderful. What wasn't wonderful was the hotel commodities/accommodations and the food. Wi-fi wasn't free, and there was no free breakfast. The city was walk to get everywhere and no Burger King, Taco Bell, Outback, Olive Garden, or Wingstop was near. There was a strip mall connected to the hotel, but the food court options sucked. The one thing I liked was overpriced, and the rest of what I liked were more snack foods than lunch and dinner/supper OR BREAKFAST. I don't even know what I ate if I ate breakfast those days. It sucked in that sense, lol. I think he was unsatisfied with the same things with which I was unsatisfied --most of them at least. For example, I don't know if no free breakfast or no free Wi-fi bothered him. I don't know if he disliked the food court as much as I did. OOH. I also did not enjoy sleeping with him very much.): It was much more uncomfortable than when we fall asleep on the sofa together at my house. He said it was because it was hot in the hotel room. Maybe it was, but I remember being uncomfortable with where his arms were and mine were when we were spooning to fall asleep. However, when we spoon on the sofa at my house, it's totally comfortable? Maybe/hopefully, he was right. That or a bed is too soft for cuddling and spooning that close to be comfortable and the relatively greater firmness of a sofa makes it comfortable? I'm not sure. I know we were both uncomfortable sleeping together, which really sucked for our first nights together.))):
Okay, this post is done, yay! Also, somewhat not yay because I didn't even get to talk about my opinions and insight on friends and relationships in high school versus college!): This post is so long already that I'm not comfortable making it any longer. Even less people will read it then.(; Therefore, I'll talk about that another time.(: Thanks to those of you who read!! You should click on the post itself so that I can see how many people do (or don't (;) read my posts. Thanks in advance for that, too!
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Summer begins! ...And it's a busy one./:
Hi, everyone! I feel like my summer has truly begun since I came home from spending a week, volunteering with a special needs camp. I HATE BEING AWAY FROM HOME. However, I enjoyed spending time with my camper. He was older, and his disabilities were very mild. Therefore, I was able to let loose and be a kid with him. It was really fun. My co-counselor was very good with our camper, which is expected because he has a child. (Andhewascute.) But that doesn't mean I'm going to leave my boyfriend! I'm going to say it right now for anyone who needs it: I think it's okay to look and even fantasize about other people while being in a relationship. It doesn't mean it's always serious. However, I do like that my boyfriend does not do that. Say I have a double standard, but I like the way we are. I do get very jealous. He does, too, but honestly, there's nothing wrong with it. That's just my opinion, but I think it's something for everyone to think about. ANYWAY, there were other cute counselors! One of them looked like Dell from Private Practice (Chris Lowell).
That was very important to point out. And after looking up a picture of Dell, it's important to upload a picture of Cooper! Charcoop is my favorite. Cooper is beautiful, and I want to be Charlotte, and I'd love triplets and babies in general. That run-on was totally worth it, by the way.
(Charlotte and Cooper in order to point out how cute Cooper is but also spoil us with a cute couple picture)
That was very important to point out. And after looking up a picture of Dell, it's important to upload a picture of Cooper! Charcoop is my favorite. Cooper is beautiful, and I want to be Charlotte, and I'd love triplets and babies in general. That run-on was totally worth it, by the way.
(Charlotte and Cooper in order to point out how cute Cooper is but also spoil us with a cute couple picture)
(A true CharCoop picture because they are HOT)
(And a picture of Charlotte; Cooper; Mason, Cooper's son from a one-night stand that he finds out about later in life; and THE COOPLETS!!!!!!)
Now, why is my summer busy? I started my application to medical school. I'm stuck on coming up with my list of volunteerism. I'm scared to approach it and forget something, especially how long I was there. I also only have fifteen slots, which seemed like a good-ish thing--less I have to remember, right--but it will be less hours for me because I was only told last semester that we should find one place to steadily volunteer at. Now, I know why. The admissions person said it was okay that I volunteered for many different things. He didn't even tell me, "Ooh, that's more complicated." He said something along the lines of, "Yes, that's fine!" Now, I see why he said one place steadily, though. I wish I knew this when I started college! I wish I would have been reminded to write down everything I volunteered for, also. I feel like maybe someone told me to, but I don't remember someone doing that. ANYWAY--I also have to register for a parking decal for my vehicle for this school year. I have to research Tennessee and Texas medical schools and choose one from each state in order to give myself more options in case I can't get into the medical school here at home that I want. Fun fact about Texas medical schools: The entire state has its own primary application instead of the AMCAS. How crazy is that? I know Texas is huge, but it's still surprising to me--almost ridiculous, honestly. I have to find a job so that I have people interaction hours for medical school. That is very important to them. I need to do that soon. I'm thinking of either a waitress at a nice restaurant or a front desk clerk(?) at a hotel. I was told from a friend who works at hotels that they're less open to summer-only workers, that is what I will be. I might also have to retake MCAT for my last shot. Last shot for the whole year, and most medical schools seem to only take your most recent score instead of your highest--grrr. I think I'll go now and possibly research into medical schools more and study more for MCAT. I started a tiny bit.
Please, wish me luck into getting into medical school, especially the one of my dreams! Good luck to all of you in everything you're doing! Leave a comment, sharing your goals and dreams, if you'd like!(:
Saturday, May 23, 2015
I'm done!!!!!
I'm done with school for the semester, yay! I finished Wednesday around 11. That's when I took my last final. My grades were all posted yesterday morning. My incomplete is even completed now! Next, I have to copy and paste all my grades to Word documents for my records. Then, I have to finish my thank you notes for the semester.
Here are my grades.
I'm so upset about them, but this semester was tough. So much has been going on at home since I started school. There's nothing wrong with my family just being busy helping out friends in hard times. It hurts to see your friends hurt. It piles up semester after semester, and I think between that, commuting an hour there and back every day (I love my big family. I didn't want to leave them. My parents have commuted that far away from work for almost ten years now, so it never seemed like that big of a deal to me.), and still not having learned time management in a highly demanding major and all my extracurricular involvement, I think I got close to my breaking point this semester, and my grades show it. It's okay, though. I do a lot, and it's all for the greater good. I'm helping others instead of being self-centered. It will take time for me to cope with not being able to graduate at the top of my class from college (one of my goals) and not being able to graduate with the highest honors and that there will be people at my graduation with better grades than me. Since I'm applying to medical school, I need to remain competitive. Also, a little competition is healthy. It keeps you motivated. I don't do a crazy amount of things with my life. School is one of the most important things to me, so my biggest goals were always there. I think I'm growing up, though, and part of that is realizing that even though school is important, there's more. There's family, friends, a career, and me. My health and my happiness are priorities among friends, family, and a career to support myself. I think I don't acknowledge that as I should. I know that I should be happy and healthy, but I don't always actively work on it. I remember thinking many times this semester that I was not happy. Of course, I'm not going to be happy when I'm stressed. This semester was very stressful. Now, however, I am very happy. I do want to continue the journey on which I am going. I still want to be an OB/GYN. I still want to be with guy I'm with forever and raise a family together. I still want all of that. One of my bad habits is letting stress cloud everything. I accidentally manifest my stress into other things, such as my relationship and my goals. I let it overflow and think that all of my life and decisions are making me unhappy just because I am stressed with school, and that is not so. I need to learn compartmentalization. I need to learn time management, and I need to continue to remember to live in the present.
There's a little life lesson for you mixed with an update about where I am right now.(:
Here are my grades.
I'm so upset about them, but this semester was tough. So much has been going on at home since I started school. There's nothing wrong with my family just being busy helping out friends in hard times. It hurts to see your friends hurt. It piles up semester after semester, and I think between that, commuting an hour there and back every day (I love my big family. I didn't want to leave them. My parents have commuted that far away from work for almost ten years now, so it never seemed like that big of a deal to me.), and still not having learned time management in a highly demanding major and all my extracurricular involvement, I think I got close to my breaking point this semester, and my grades show it. It's okay, though. I do a lot, and it's all for the greater good. I'm helping others instead of being self-centered. It will take time for me to cope with not being able to graduate at the top of my class from college (one of my goals) and not being able to graduate with the highest honors and that there will be people at my graduation with better grades than me. Since I'm applying to medical school, I need to remain competitive. Also, a little competition is healthy. It keeps you motivated. I don't do a crazy amount of things with my life. School is one of the most important things to me, so my biggest goals were always there. I think I'm growing up, though, and part of that is realizing that even though school is important, there's more. There's family, friends, a career, and me. My health and my happiness are priorities among friends, family, and a career to support myself. I think I don't acknowledge that as I should. I know that I should be happy and healthy, but I don't always actively work on it. I remember thinking many times this semester that I was not happy. Of course, I'm not going to be happy when I'm stressed. This semester was very stressful. Now, however, I am very happy. I do want to continue the journey on which I am going. I still want to be an OB/GYN. I still want to be with guy I'm with forever and raise a family together. I still want all of that. One of my bad habits is letting stress cloud everything. I accidentally manifest my stress into other things, such as my relationship and my goals. I let it overflow and think that all of my life and decisions are making me unhappy just because I am stressed with school, and that is not so. I need to learn compartmentalization. I need to learn time management, and I need to continue to remember to live in the present.
There's a little life lesson for you mixed with an update about where I am right now.(:
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Blogsick
Hi, everyone! I'm feeling blogsick. I want to blog, blog, blog, but I have so much schoolwork! Finals start Thursday, but my first one is Friday. I have much work to catch up on, also. I should also get my preliminary MCAT scores back. Preliminary scores are percentiles but not specific numbers, which is okay because the medical school I want to attend is using percentiles. I need to be in the fiftieth percentile or higher. Let's see what I get! AAMC is sending out the preliminary scores so that we know whether we need to retake the exam and have time to start studying and register. I really hope I don't need to take it again. I've taken it two out of the three times we're allowed in a year. Wish me luck, y'all.(:
I wanted to drop in yesterday, but I didn't. I wanted to share the wonderful feeling I experienced yesterday of finally hearing a lyric in a song correct after listening to the song many times. It feels something like this, right?Dead Trees. Pick it up in stores or download it below by clicking on the picture below.
I have a terrible time hearing lyrics in music. For me, I feel like the vocals and instruments start to blend together, so I can hear three and four possibilities in one word. I was listening to "Black and White" by From First to Last yesterday. The song is from their new album Dead Trees. Pick up a physical copy online or in stores, or download it from iTunes by clicking the picture below.(: (Edit: I did a thing to add a link to iTunes to the picture! I know that it's not very high-tech. I can do better, but it still excites me! I feel fancy and efficient--cool things!!)
The album is SO GOOD. I love it. It even includes bonus tracks of the band remaking some of their popular older songs. The remakes are so good, and I was a fan back in 2009/2010. That's not from the beginning, but it's still a long time. If an old fan can accept it, it must be good.(; The band now consists of Spencer Sotelo, Matt Good, Travis Richter, Taylor Larson, Matt Manning, and Ernie Slenkovich. When I was biggest into From First to Last, I believe the members were Sonny Moore, Matt Good, Travis Ritcher, and Derek Bloom. When I was looking through all the members, Matt Manning sounds familiar, but I can't remember for sure, so my "original memebers" are Sonny, Matt Good, Derek, and Travis. Therefore, two of my original members are still there. I think Matt and Sonny will always be my favorites, and Matt probably is my favorite over Sonny since he's still there. Anyway, the lyric I finally heard was "Sometimes, I'm a fucked up mess without you" (from "Black and White"). I had trouble hearing "fucked up." I kept thinking it was "four ton," which is very random to say the least, lol. Then, when I was listening to it on my laptop while folding clothes (as opposed to my vehicle speakers connected to my phone or headphones connected to my phone), a slower part of the song said it, and commence monkey face.(:
It is currently 9:37 P.M., so I need to get ready for bed so that I have enough sleep to have the energy to get all my work done tomorrow AND START STUDYING FOR MY FINALS, AHH!!!!!!!!!
Bye, thanks for reading!
I wanted to drop in yesterday, but I didn't. I wanted to share the wonderful feeling I experienced yesterday of finally hearing a lyric in a song correct after listening to the song many times. It feels something like this, right?Dead Trees. Pick it up in stores or download it below by clicking on the picture below.
It is currently 9:37 P.M., so I need to get ready for bed so that I have enough sleep to have the energy to get all my work done tomorrow AND START STUDYING FOR MY FINALS, AHH!!!!!!!!!
Bye, thanks for reading!
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Update
Today is the Saturday before I return to school (on Monday) after a ten-day spring break. Spring break started on Good Friday, and the last day is tomorrow. I believe that that's seven days: this past Sunday through today (Saturday) plus tomorrow (Sunday), Good Friday, and last Saturday--seven plus three equals ten. That's my train of thought, but I haven't double checked on a calendar yet. Now, I have, and it is indeed ten days. Totally unneccessary but this is meant to be a record of my thoughts.(-:
This break was much needed, and unfortunately, I feel like I need more. I am doing my best to catch up on my assignments that I should have been doing all week. I also have MCAT next Satuday, and I only started studying during this break. Terrible, I know, but I made a twenty-four my first time with barely any studying. That is three points away from the safe score for the medical school I want to attend. After seeing my scores, I know that I need to beef up on my reading section, so I am doing my best to complete that book (page 75/200...yay...) and probably review the biochemistry and behavioral sciences flashcards. Then, I'll hopefully have time to read all the tips in the side bars of all the books as well as review all the quick study sheets--yes, all before Saturday and be caught up on my homework...
It seems impossible, but I am changing all my negative talk to positive talk. Nothing is impossible. The word itself says, "I'm possible." Yes, I'm extremely overwhelmed, and no, I am not feeling as positive as the words I'm spewing. However, reinforcing my fears with negative talk will not help. It will only hurt. Therefore, I am doing the best I can to beat my fears, and I shall do so with positive talk.
I am not feeling very motivtated right now, so I took some time to attempt to motivate myself. It may seem like wasted time, but if it helps me get work done, it is not a waste at all.
I have to bring my great-grandfather to church now, and I get to do so using my mother's Honda Pilot for the FIRST TIME EVER! I'm excited about that!
Until next time!
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