Current Life and Career Goals

Hello, few and far between, distant readers! Why must I be so negative? But what are the odds of having a lot of views/readers? I’ll check my views, okay? Okay, I normally get 2 to 4 views per post. I’ve had a couple with 17 or 14, but it’s four or less posts out of 25 (edit: 26 now that this post is published (; ). It looks like ten to fifteen end up with two, three, or four views.

ANYWAY, I’m here today/-night because I’ve been craving blogging lately and have been in this really cool, refreshing creative mood. In my head, I’ve been describing it as a weird creative mood because I can’t ever remember feeling this creative for this long and it nagging at me. I also don’t know quite what to do to satisfy it either. Like, part of me thinks, “Blog obviously,” but I’ve been wanting to improve my writing by writing it all out and taking time to organize it and proofread it, which obviously will take more time, so that creative itch part of me is like, “ACK, TOO LONG, NOPE, I WANT INSTANT GRATIFICATION.” I’ve been having diarrhea of the mouth with instant gratification since I worked teaching first grade. The interventionist at our school (the person who does small group reading and mostly with the struggling kids) used that word to describe when kids choose the first answer on a test to quickly finish a question and move on or even the first one that looks even remotely correct instead of looking at all the answers to check for the best, etc. But yes, my creative itch wants instant gratification, so it doesn’t want me to take my time to make a better post because it wants the satisfaction of having the post done and out there and that itch satisfied.

I’ve been thinking lately about what I want most in life and what are my dreams, especially career-wise. Right now, I think I want to teach and write/blog most. I focus on blogging when I think about writing because I want the freedom in my writing. That’s what I enjoy about writing. That’s also why I have this anonymous blog—so that I can write almost anything I want to write and almost anytime and have very minimal if any negative consequences for it. Keeping it anonymous protects my reputation because my identity is hidden, so whatever I say shouldn’t (Remember, anything is possible.) make it’s way back to me and stick to my name and affect my reputation with possible future employers and on a smaller scale friends, family, and acquaintances, even. I’ve been thinking about writing on my personal/main account where my identity is known and my posts are visible to people who have access to that account with my identity attached to it, but I am scared of the possibility for negative consequences because I think some of the posts I have planned/brainstormed are controversial or at least have some controversial aspects in them, and I being the non-confrontational/anxious person that I am do not want to start shit or deal with people being pissed off at me. I just want people to hear me out and consider every single point that I make separately, not dismiss or discount my entire set of views and opinions laid out in that post because they might disagree with one point. I also don’t want my career opportunities in the future to be limited because of my opinions. I hate having to censor myself. Maybe that’s just part of being a mature and responsible adult, but it sucks. I wish we could be free to be ourselves as humans and have opinions and freely express them without having to fear whether we can have a job that we want later in life, but the fact of the matter is that you cannot do that, which sucks.

Then, I want to teach because I love learning and I want to inspire people to love learning, too, and I want to make a difference with children and show them that they can truly do anything they want. I truly believe that if you want something badly enough, you can achieve it. You can achieve anything! It’s how badly you want it that makes the difference. You will put in the work and time for even the hardest of tasks for you if you want the results badly enough. We have that potential, and I want to help students realize their potential relatively early in life—before college. I feel like college determines how much struggle you will have with setting up and creating your adult life. I know it’s very unlikely that you know what you want to do with the rest of your life by 18, but I would want students to at least know that they can do anything and that it’s okay to change your mind later but also find things they like and use those likes to find a job/career to support them in the mean time so that when they do change their mind (if they do), they have a savings to support them whether their change requires more schooling or some sort of training where they’ll need money help and be out of a job for a little while while switching. And as much as I loved spending six/seven/eight hours five days a week with ~twenty five-/six-/seven-year-olds, I feel like they are way too young at that age for me to instill all of that information in them. I feel like too much can happen from first grade to the end of high school for me to make a difference for those kids by college. Someone can undo all the work I’ve done in one year (more like nine months—hello, summer) in the eleven years that follow. I also had trouble effectively teaching first graders for more than one reason, and maybe I have more passion for teaching older kids so it stopped me from working as hard as I possibly could to work with first graders. I don’t know exactly what it is or why. I just know that now that I’ve taught first grade, even though I dearly loved my kids and coworkers and the environment there, I want to work with high school students more. And I can focus on teaching math and/or science instead of all subjects. Math and science are my favorite subjects. And I like that since the kids are older, I can censor myself a little less. I can help prepare them for adulthood, which includes sex, so I can teach them about that! Biology, health, I’m looking at you. I’m really passionate about sex education, which—side note—is part of why I stuck with becoming an OB/GYN for so long, because I feel like and have somewhat seen (and more so have heard with my mom having had worked as an OB/GYN nurse) that kids don’t get enough sex education but have sex and then get diseases or unplanned/unwanted pregnancies or just straight up don’t know what they’re doing and get in some sort of “trouble” with sex, even as seemingly trivial as not enjoying sex. I can go on and on about this. Basically, I think that sex should be enjoyable, too. I know some people think that sex should be for procreation only. I disagree. Also basically, it just seems like teaching older kids (middle or high school) is a better fit for me, so I’m going back to school in January for that. I think I may have posted about that already.

And I still want to have a life with my husband and kids. No, I have neither right now, but I want them one day, and I want to have time for work and them and the rest of my family and friends and myself. I want my current boyfriend to be my husband, by the way. I also think that you should feel that way about whoever you’re dating. If not, I don’t think you should date them, but that’s just me. Some people are into more casual relations/relationships. Some people don’t want to ever be married—have a lifelong partner, yes, but not necessarily marriage. That’s okay whatever you want! But I want what I want, too.(:

So in my head, I think the way that all of that would work out is teaching full-time, writing part-time, I guess. Or on/by commission—is that a thing? Basically, I’d write something and whore it out for someone to pay me to publish it or I’d reach out to a company/site, ask what they want me to write and what price, and write that for them. I don’t know anything about that. Maybe I’ll look more seriously into that later. I do like that idea of writing for Refinery 29. They seem really casual and do some opinion pieces it seems like. They seem cool to write for. One of my favorite blogger/online writers is Danielle Campoamour. I’m too lazy to look up her name. Sorry, girl. She even replied to me on Twitter once, which is super cool to me because she is a celebrity to me because she is well known or known better than me, which isn’t saying much, but I think you catch my drift. If I understand her writing correctly, writing is her career. She gets paid to write whatever she wants to. Maybe I’ll contact her for advice one day. I don’t know! I probably will since this is what I really want to do with my writing and don’t know who else/where else to go and she is doing exactly what I think I want to do in the writing world.

I think I’m ready to close this post out now!

Good night, and if you’ve stuck around to the end of this post, thank you.(: I appreciate it and love you for that!!!!